Finding a spouse the halaal way

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When I posted on Instagram about finding a spouse the halaal way, I didn’t realise the post would blow up the way it did. It has done way better than any other post thus far, and it got me thinking that this is a topic that my tribe may want to know more about.

While watching Season three of Indian Matchmaking on Netflix recently, I found myself questioning the attitude of the characters in their search for a spouse. Perhaps the series is created to trigger people like me, but in this day and age, when compatibility rates are dwindling and divorce has become so common, I find it silly to prioritise LOOKS and COMMON HOBBIES when searching for a spouse. In reality, in the best marriages I know, there are no shared hobbies, and looks were probably not a priority.

Yes-List versus No-List

Ideals versus values

In the IG post I mentioned above, one of my suggestions was to create a No List instead of a Yes List, and I got some feedback that it may not be the ideal strategy. Some may say that focusing on the positives is more useful than focusing on the negatives. However, I believe that if we all created a Yes List, we would never marry because our Yes List would signify an ideal and ideals don’t exist in the real world. As Seema Aunty says, you have to adjust. You’ll probably get 60-70% of your list, but you will have to adjust.

On the other hand, creating a No List is more realistic. Look at the couples around you and pinpoint the characteristics that you disagree with. For example, I don’t think I want a husband who prioritises friends over family, or I don’t think I could manage with someone who doesn’t have a growth mindset, or I think men should, at the very least, be able to cook a basic meal and make a bed. The point is not to judge. The point is to be realistic. The Yes List is a dreamy list and the No List is more pragmatic. A No List will help you focus on your values. If a Yes List hasn’t worked for you yet, why not try a No List?

Islamic perspective on finding a spouse

In Islam, finding a spouse is an important and sacred endeavor. It is a decision that should not be taken lightly, as marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires mutual love, respect, and devotion. Therefore, it is important to find a spouse in a way that is halal, or permissible according to Islamic teachings. In this blog post, we will explore some tips for finding a spouse the halal way.

Seek Guidance from Allah

The first step in finding a spouse is to seek guidance from Allah. Make dua and pray for Allah to guide you towards the right person. Ask Allah to make the process easy for you and to grant you a spouse who will be the best for you in this life and the Hereafter.

Get marriage ready

The first step is to figure out whether you’re READY to get married. If you are, keep reading!

Turn to Your Community

Your local community can be a great resource for finding a potential spouse. Spread the word by letting your circles know that you are looking for a spouse. Attend Islamic events and gatherings, such as lectures, seminars, and conferences, and get involved in your local community. This will allow you to meet other like-minded individuals who share your values and beliefs.

Seek Recommendations from Family and Friends

Your family and friends may know someone who is a good match for you, so it is worth seeking their recommendations. Be open to their suggestions, but also be clear about your own preferences and what you are looking for in a spouse.

Consider Online Matrimonial Sites

Online matrimonial sites have become increasingly popular in recent years, and they can be a great way to find a spouse who shares your values and beliefs. When using these sites, it is important to be cautious and use reputable sites that have a strong reputation for being halal.

Conduct Thorough Research

Once you have identified a potential spouse, it is important to conduct thorough research before making any decisions. This may include speaking with their family and friends, as well as conducting your own background checks to ensure that the person is trustworthy and has a good reputation. Get the elders in your family involved as well. Embrace the wisdom that they have to share.

Follow Islamic Guidelines when finding a spouse

Throughout the process of finding a spouse, it is important to follow Islamic guidelines and principles. This includes avoiding any inappropriate interactions or relationships, and seeking the guidance of a trusted Islamic scholar or counselor when needed.

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Barakah in the Process

One of the most beautiful aspects of finding a spouse the halal way is the barakah, or blessings, that come with it. When you seek a partner with sincerity, patience, and trust in Allah’s plan, the process itself becomes a source of immense spiritual growth and fulfillment. This journey isn’t just about finding someone to complete half your deen but also about becoming the best version of yourself in the process.

In my novel, Kismet – For Roses to Blossom, I delve into this very theme – how barakah and divine destiny play a crucial role in our relationships. Just like in real life, the characters face challenges and make decisions that test their faith and commitment. If you’re intrigued by the idea of how love, destiny, and Islamic principles intertwine, Kismet offers a heartfelt exploration of these themes.

In conclusion, finding a spouse the halal way requires patience, guidance, and adherence to Islamic principles. By seeking guidance from Allah, turning to your community, considering online matrimonial sites, seeking recommendations from family and friends, conducting thorough research, and following Islamic guidelines, you can find a spouse who will be the best for you in this life and the Hereafter.

Stay well, inside and out

Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi

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