Let’s Talk Marriage: Going Back to Basics for a Solid Start
Have you ever stopped to wonder how our grandparents (and perhaps some of our parents) found a spouse the halaal way and kicked off their marriage by sharing just one family car, living communally, and were known to do a whole lot of hard work in their daily lives? They started off their marriages with insurmountable challenges and have lived to tell the tale.
They put in the effort, gained their independence from their family, one way or another, yet retained family ties mostly and now they are our relationship goals, aren’t they?
What’s happening these days?
Without generalising, it does seem that today’s youth are lacking in patience and aren’t prepared to put in the effort and hard work it takes to build a marriage from the ground up. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that their parents and grandparents worked decades for what they have now. Their lives didn’t just manifest from nothing.
The role of parents
While it’s easy to point fingers at the younger generation for wanting everything on a silver platter, parents these days aren’t off the hook either. Some of them say outright that their kids (daughters, mainly) can’t tie the knot with a man who is still working towards earning his car or apartment. Where’s the patience and the hard work there? What life lessons are we teaching? Where is the opportunity for the couple to support each other and grow together?
It seems like young couples today aren’t getting the chance to build a strong relationship and toughen up together. They’re not given the opportunity to build resilience as a couple together. Marital bonds are like glass – too fragile. Maybe it’s because we’re not giving couples the time to grow together and face life’s ups and downs. As parents, we just don’t want to see our kids go through all that. We aren’t encouraging them to build a foundation.
High standards
Now, for those that turn down proposals because their standard of living is higher than what their prospective partner can manage… It’s okay to say you want a certain lifestyle and you need to marry someone with a car, but are you ready to put in the work and wait for those luxuries? If your answer is no, then maybe it says more about you than your potential partner.
Let’s get real. When it comes to rights and responsibilities of husband and wife, we need to be sure we understand what the basics are. The basic needs in life and in a relationship are: Food, water, safety, shelter, love, intimacy. That’s the foundation. Work together, build a life, and then enjoy the perks together as a team. Just like our elders did it.
Social media might make you think otherwise, but it’s time to dial it back to basics and stick to what really matters. Downgrade that thought process and get back to the fundamentals of marriage, the Shariah-compliant way.
Here’s hoping that we are all able to focus on the bigger picture and that the little trials of this duniya become easy for us. Aameen.
Stay well, inside and out
Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi
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