On wearing the veil
My journey towards religious freedom…
This post is in response to the people who have asked me why I began wearing niqaab practically out of the blue.
I hope this post brings to the fore that not all Muslim women are ‘forced’ to cover up and not all Muslim men are oppressors!
But first, a note:
· Hijab = the headscarf
· Niqaab = the face veil
· Abaya = long, usually black, loose-fitting dress
I wouldn’t be recognised as a Muslim!
I didn’t begin wearing hijab until the age of 25, and that, too, was out of necessity. I used to drive some distance to work and was afraid that, should I have an accident (or anything untoward happen), I wouldn’t be recognised as a Muslim! Sombre thought, I know, but that’s the thought that got me started on this road to my religious freedom.
She needed to make a change in her life.
I had been married for over eight years. I had a 5-year-old son and had had a miscarriage a year earlier. I constantly prayed to Allah SWT for another baby. Boy or girl, no problem. Just a healthy, normal, pious child who would grow up to be a benefit to society, not a hindrance (Ameen). I remember that one of my cousins had just had a baby boy and we visited. Seeing that tiny precious baby, I prayed and asked Allah SWT “Now how much longer do I have to wait?” At that same visit, I met another cousin who had just begun wearing niqaab. Her reason was that she needed to make a change in her life.
I could absolutely relate to that!
Many, many years ago, in another lifetime, I did a Muallimah (Teacher) Training Course and taught Islamic Studies to a group of Grade 4s (9 and 10 year olds). I admit that I was far from the ideal Islamic teacher! I had just begun wearing hijab, but not so strictly; and I didn’t use to wear Abaya all the time either. However, as part of the ‘uniform’, all muallimahs had to wear abaya and niqaab on school premises, even if they didn’t practise this outside school. That was my first experience with niqaab.
My darling mother stitched three Abayas for me, each with a coordinated niqaab! (Ha ha! I wouldn’t wear coordinated niqaabs now that I wear niqaab for real!) She’s always supported me in the ways she knew best. Alhamdulillah!
I honestly felt like a second-class citizen.
I wore those Abayas to madressa, alternating them each day, and taught that class of grade 4s. I didn’t really enjoy it. The pay was terrible, I had very little in common with the other teachers, I wasn’t always able to get my class under control (they were very noisy or I wasn’t mature enough to deal with them). I honestly felt like a second-class citizen – depressed, oppressed, stifled. I taught for 6 months and left to begin my studies in Psychology.
Donning a niqaab says nothing about your character or background.
I learnt a lot from that experience. Most importantly, I learnt that one’s dress does not necessarily reflect one’s character. Some of my colleagues wore niqaab because their husband or father wanted them to. Others wore it because that was the norm in their family and they didn’t question it. One or two, like me, were wearing it due to necessity – because we had to wear it to work there! We were the hypocrites, it seemed. Thus, donning a niqaab says nothing about your character or background.
That entire experience left a bitter taste in my mouth. While I liked the idea of wearing niqaab, I didn’t like the stigma and feelings of inadequacy attached to it. Although I knew that I would like to give it another try at some point in the future, I wasn’t holding my breath!
The time had come; but so did a great challenge…
Fast forward about ten years and I am another person. I am married. I am a mother. My priorities have changed. My perspectives have matured. I pray more. I am more open to learning and doing new things. I have a greater understanding of what the important things in life are. I know myself better. I make my own decisions and take full responsibity for them…
So, when I met my cousins that fateful day, and prayed that fateful prayer, I knew exactly what I needed to do! I needed to make a change in my life. I wanted to start wearing niqaab. I realised that there was nothing I had to wait for to take that step. Nothing else needed to fall into place. The time had come; but so did a great challenge…
It dawned on me that my dear husband didn’t know me when I used to wear niqaab all those years ago. When he married me, I didn’t even use to wear a headscarf! I had been wearing Abaya for about three years by then, so I decided to gently break the news to him. I patiently responded to all his concerns:
“What will you do when we go out to eat?”
He didn’t want me feeling awkward…
“Your mother’s Fashion Show is this weekend. Why don’t you start after that?” …
“Eid is coming up. Maybe you should start after that?” …
“Will you wear it at home, like on Eid day when my family visits?
He didn’t want the family dynamics to change. He didn’t want his brothers and cousins feeling awkward…
We discussed it at length, found solutions to the problems we envisaged and decided that I should give him a few days to think about it and get used to the idea of having a wife in niqaab.
The next day I went out and bought a niqaab… because I didn’t already own one but knew I wanted to wear it. Go figure! I chose the single layer niqaab because it looked like a fuss-free option. The man behind the counter asked if I was going for Umrah (No) or Hajj (Again, no)… so why did I need a niqaab? “Because I want to start wearing it, in sha Allah,” I said. It was a warm feeling, Alhamdulillah.
On 10 September 2014, a beautifully warm Wednesday, I wore my niqaab for the first time… and I haven’t looked back since. And 8 and a half months later, my Little Guy was born. Alhamdulillah!
Wearing niqaab now is, for me, nothing like it was when I wore it so many years ago. I feel the exact opposite. I feel liberated. I feel proud of myself. I feel strong and in control. I feel proud of my husband for being so open-minded and not opposing me. I love myself now!
I hope this post brings to the fore that not all Muslim women are ‘forced’ to cover up and not all Muslim men are oppressors!
Stay well, inside and out
Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi
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